Some of the highest suicide rates and incidents of alcoholism are in the world’s northern regions. People who study this sort of thing attribute at least a portion of this unique problem to weather patterns that occur in the winter. It stays so dark, and gray, and dismal for so long a time, that they just can’t stand it. In the U.S., some call it cabin fever. What happens is that people can begin to feel extremely isolated from one another, and think that there’s no hope, that the sun will never shine again, and that their friends can’t understand them and, in fact, have abandoned them. They have too little contact with folks who care for them.
I’m referring to relationships that are life-giving and affirming. There’s nothing more reassuring and enjoyable than true friendship with someone you can count on during thick or thin times. A popular Christian sports figure and motivational speaker wrote a book about this whole subject. He categorized two kinds of people in your life: those who lift you up and those who tear you down. Those who seem to have a neutral influence usually end up falling into the second group because they are not really contributing to your well-being. He said that the basis for all our relationships (social, business, or personal) can be judged by answers to three questions:
1) Can I trust you?
2) Are you committed to excellence?
3) Do you care about me?
Trust is something that is earned and is the foundation for any meaningful relationship. But not everyone who is trustworthy will be your friend. The second question is one I hadn’t anticipated. Why would a commitment to excellence rank with trust and care? Someone you can really count on is someone who wants to help you succeed and prosper. If friendships are not challenging or stimulating, they grow stale and rusty. The commitment to excellence, however, is the leavening agent that sparks a relationship to new heights and greater depths. But only the test of time makes it evident who in your life will honor you by sticking with you when the going gets tough. A true friend is someone who cares for you during the times when you make mistakes, get sick, or feel unproductive, confused, or even helpless. Care is more important because it involves more time and effort. It takes an investment of who you are and what you have. You can also measure your own value as a friend to others by using the same guidelines.
A friend of ours wrote a song about friendship with these lyrics:
When I’m free to laugh; not afraid to cry
You let me talk about nothing, or go deep inside
And there’s a place for me to fail sometimes
Then I know you call me friend.
When you hold my heart even if there’s a doubt
And when I might be wrong, you just wait it out
You never run ahead when my strength gives out
Then I know you call me friend.
It’s not about freedom to criticize
It’s not about being always on the same side
But it’s giving life with every word you speak
And letting it grow with a heart to believe.
I’ll never cut you off and I will never hide
And I will right my wrongs to keep this alive
And I will guard your heart like you’ve guarded mine
Cause I know you call me friend.
Jesus told his disciples, “I have called you friends,” with the expectation that they keep his commandments. He called them to a higher place, a place of excellence, a place of love and commitment to himself and to one another. He said that there was no greater expression of love than for someone to lay down his life for a friend. He demonstrated that kind of love for them, and for us, on the cross. Laying down your life for someone not only means being prepared to die for them but also being willing to live for them.
Friends are hard to come by and we can never have enough of them. It’s vital to let your friends know you appreciate them.
Terry
lionsheadcafe.com 